Same but different . . .

Note:  the following (I hope) will explain why I haven’t posted over the past several weeks, truth be told I barely recognize myself anymore because of the weight loss and lack of sleep.  This is a summary of my past month in personal hell and I keep this post somewhat vague because I don’t know who reads this blog.

Seven months, thousands of dollars and a judgment later, I’m pretty much exactly where I was when this whole legal nightmare began. 

My ex has backed me into a corner and I have to suspend (again) his parenting time.

As mentioned in earlier posts, our judgment granted my ex four weeks of parenting time over the summer.  This portion of the judgment surprised not only my attorney but my son’s therapist because in the past seven years, my ex has never even exercised his two non-consecutive weeks during summer or even some of his regular parenting time on weekends and holidays.  My son has only spent four overnights (at most) in a row with his father in his entire life.

My attorney said it best, “When I first got into family law, a colleague told me if both parties are upset by the judgment, then it was a fair judgment”.  I’m inclined to agree.

So despite my disappointment and fear over this four weeks of summer parenting time, I made the best of it and convinced myself of all the positives this extended time would bring . . .

I told myself that maybe this extended time would help my ex realize that our son was not a means to hurt and get back at me, that our son was an amazing and unique person and maybe after this extended time my ex would become more involved in our son’s life.  The separation would benefit both me and my son . . . blah blah blah.  I always try to see the positive in everything.  I had just about convinced myself and then my ex gave the dates of his four weeks . . .

The judgment required my ex a set date to give me his summer parenting time dates and on that court ordered deadline he emailed me the weeks during the summer that he would take our son.  Of course, they fell on my son’s birthday.  The judge in our decision had left much vagueness in the order and had not declared our son’s birthday an alternating holiday (we are in the process of requiring an amendment to declare it an alternating holiday). 

Additionally, my ex purposefully chose the dates so that our son would miss the last two weeks of his summer soccer program which he (ex) was fully aware of.

I emailed back as polite and sunny as I could be asking for flexibility of the dates around the soccer schedule . . . my ex responded, “I’m not willing to push the dates back just because he’s in soccer, he can participate in the fall program that’s offered if necessary” and in regards to alternating our son’s birthday, “it’s not in the order, so I’ll take him every year because I can”.

As to the day care arrangements that I requested information on, my ex vaguely stated that his girlfriend (the one with the DWI conviction right before the infamous facebook photos I discovered and the one with the grandson who assaulted my son which started this whole legal ordeal) would “help watch [our son] and he would also go to ‘X’ daycare which he will enjoy”.  This was substantially different from the court required final arguments where my ex was to list his plans for daycare if he was to receive summer parenting time.  In those arguments he listed an entirely different day care plan.

I responded with a request for additional information.  I requested dates and times, address, contact person, etc.of the daycare that our son would be at the various places.  The day care that my ex listed had five different summer locations. 

My ex refused to respond and when he finally did it was only to threaten me that he was going to block my email if I continued to “bother him”. 

My ex has also tried to coerce my son’s therapist (which the therapist refused) into lifting the ban on my son being around the kid that assaulted him.  He’s also sent a scathing letter to the judge that decided our case in which he completely degraded me and he has threatened to terminate his parental rights to our son.  My ex is completely unravelling and given his history of abusive behavior, I am seeing a side to him that I haven’t witnessed in years.  Yes, he’s been uncooperative in the recent past but now he’s become completely irrational.

The memorandum requested that I reimburse my ex for the daycare costs incurred during his extended summer parenting time (but oddly it was not part of the actual judgment).  Needless to say, my ex should provide me the daycare arrangements not only because I’m legally entitled to (as joint legal and sole physical) but because I’m ordered to reimburse him for the costs.  Additionally, he has given false information previously regarding his summer child care arrangements. 

So I have sent him an email every day for the past two weeks to which he hasn’t responded.  Furthermore, I finally reached (after several attempts) the registration person for the program he said our son would be in and discovered that my ex has never contacted much less registered our son for this daycare program.

This Friday, I will be violating a court order.  I have no other choice.  I have begged my ex for the information, he either refused or simply did not respond.  I have asked him multiple times to go to mediation to resolve these issues so he could take our son for the four weeks and he refused every time.

I have no choice.

So I am once again doing exactly what I did last fall.  I have made arrangements for my son to be away from the house(I do not want him to witness any confrontation).  I have printed all of my paperwork so that I have a written record in case my ex shows up (which I am sure he will) and calls the cops (which I am sure he will). 

I have arranged for a friend to be with me on Friday because when my ex picked up our son two weeks ago he screamed and threatened me (to the level that neighbors heard him in their houses) for no reason and he did it in front of our son.

I have even tested the recorder for my classes and figured out a way to conceal it so that I have a recorded version (which I know I can’t use as actual evidence) to type a transcript which is sure to become an affidavit in the future.

So much is the same as last November, yet there are some differences. 

For one thing, I’m violating a court order.  Never mind the fact that my ex has violated the court order every time (but one) of every parenting he’s had since our hearing, the ramifications are just starting to hit me.  I have to report all of this on my bar app.  If I get denied my license because I’m protecting my son, then so be it. 

Bar app aside, I had to tell my son, again, that he won’t see his father for a while.  I sugar-coated it saying that his dad was still trying to secure day care and the summer time would be a little later than the original dates . . .

I just can’t belive it came to this again.  On my walk in to work  this morning it hit me so hard that my legs got weak and I almost puked.  I probably would have puked if I had eaten anything but I haven’t eaten much these past few weeks. 

So it comes down to Friday . . .

Unlike last fall I am not nervous about the fact that my ex will most likely show up and create a scene . . .

I’m absolutely terrified.

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