O.M.G. This. Is. Never. Going. To. End.

My apologies for the long post . . . a lot happened over the past few hours

Just when I think I have seen it all in my court drama with the ex (or as one friend says “ze epic court battle”) I get tossed a completely new shocker.

Today sucked.  My strategy went too well and now I’m facing a half day trial in August . . . WTF?!

The hearing started with the judge stating my motion and affidavit were only put in the file this morning (morning of the hearing) by his clerk so he didn’t have a chance to read it . . . SRSLY?!

He then asked the ex if he had received my pleadings.  The ex said he did but didn’t bother reading it too closely because, “you’ve already ruled on these items and she can’t file motions to have them changed”

The judge said, “well this is a hearing and yes she certainly can” (I somehow managed to keep myself from smiling at this).

The ex started complaining that I keep filing motions on a whim and “we don’t want to reinvent the wheel”.  I finally interjected with my planned opening, “Your honor we’re here at this court’s order dated December . . . to review how things are going between defendant and I prior to his exercising summer parenting time and things are not going well.  The reason for several of my motions is because those issues were to be evaluated by a parenting time expeditor ordered by this court dated January . . .defendant refused to participate and these issues were never addressed.”

The ex then said he didn’t feel the need to participate because we were supposed to only meet with the parenting time expeditor on the pick up and drop off  and the parenting time expeditor’s retainer fee of $750 each was too steep to work out an issue that the court had already ruled on against me.  I then stated that the order declared that the parenting time expeditor was to look at numerous parenting time issues and I listed off several of them straight from the order.

The judge then said he needed to look through our file because he can’t remember all of the specifics of every case off the top of his head . . . um . . . I’m not going to comment what my thoughts are on this statement.  The judge pulled out the order and then said that I was right, there were numerous issues that were to be reviewd by the parenting time expeditor, not just the transportation.  (Smile still suppressed but a little harder this time).

Then I had a few wins, the judge said our son’s birthday should be an alternating holiday (this was something he denied in the December order).  The ex wasn’t having that and started arguing that he planned to select summer parenting time over our son’s birthday every year and this alternating order wouldn’t work for him.  The judge then said, “it isn’t fair to our son to spend every birthday with only one parent and that he should be able to celebrate with both of us” (OMG, this was a direct line from my affidavit!)  The judge went on to say that because I had requested the ex have odd years, I had covered the ex’s declared summer parenting time for this year and it wasn’t an issue, the ex would have our son for his birthday this year and I can have my requested even years. 

At this point, I should add that I was finally starting to breathe easier.  I was so wired for the past 24 hours that I finally wasn’t shaking anymore.

The judge continued down the list in my affidavit.  The discussion around my son in extra-curricular activities was interesting, while nothing was immediately ruled on, I felt I made strong arguments.  But then the ex interrupted and started spouting off about how the soccer program I referenced was a different one than what our son is in during the spring and it doesn’t apply . . . what?  I interjected that it was and the judge started to say something and I didn’t stop talking (mistake on my part) and then the judge said, “Ms. —, don’t interrupt me, you are a lawyer and should know better than to interrupt a judge”. . . . MY MOUTH DROPPED OPEN . . . I was about to say I was a law student and will not graduate for another year but the look the judge gave me caused my mouth to immediately shut.  Maybe my motion and affidavit writing is getting better?! 

So then things got a little icky, the judge shot down my request for equal mileage, “you chose to move to the metro so you should drive farther”.  He then asked if I couldn’t make the 5:30 pick-up time because of my work schedule and the extra mileage I should have my mother (who provides before and after school care) take my son down on Fridays.  I blasted back that the court cannot force jurisdiction on a third-party to take my son to the defendant for his parenting time (thanks to my bff who’s a paralegal for solo family firm and had told me about this law over a year ago).  The judge then said he was merely wondering if I would just ask to see if she would be willing.  I flat-out said no, and stated that it wasn’t necessary because there are alternate solutions that make more sense and are more equal.  The judge wasn’t having any of this, it was clear that he wanted me to drive farther and reiterated that I had made the choice to move.  I dropped the argument at this point.  I had actually told one of my friends the night before that I would accept driving farther so long as my critical motions were granted.  Specifically, my son’s birthday as an alternating holiday, my son in extra curricular activities, my son having child care or similar adult supervision during the summer until the age of 12, and the violations by the ex for taking our son overnights outside his residence during his parenting time.

After this, things got really interesting.  As the judge continued down my list (he shot down reducing ex’s summer parenting time to two weeks which I expected), he hit the change of venue . . . oh yeah the land mine I referenced a few posts ago . . .um yeah . . . I can say with certainty at this point the judge realized my underlying tone of prepping for a possible appeal . . . when the judge hit that section, he looked at my point header and said, “I most definitely am not granting a change of venue” and then he started reading.  His facial expressions said a lot.  He started frowning, then leaned in to look closer, then his eyes widened.  The judge then snapped the file shut and turned to the court reporter and said, “ok, look at the calendar, mark off half a day, we’re going to trial, these two can’t get along”.  The reporter found a date and the bailiff went up to pick up the form to drop off at each of our tables.  Then the judge said, “you two are going to be back for half a day for a trial, you can bring witnesses and talk about everything then, the current orders remain, there will be no ruling from today’s hearing”.  OMG . . . WTH . . .WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good grief.  While I figured the judge would catch that I prepped my motion and affidavit with the idea that I may have to appeal, I never thought the judge’s resolution would be to not have to make a ruling on this hearing!!!!!

At this point I spoke up, “your honor, I do have one request prior to this trial, specifically the court order that defendant notify me one week in advance if he is going to take our son for an overnight outside his residence during his parenting time . . .” I then reiterated my affidavit about all the violations and that this order was not to gain my permission merely to let me know where they would be and how I could get a hold of them, I concluded with, “defendant is about to take significant extended parenting time for the summer with [son] prior to this trial and I respectfully ask that this court enforce this order . . . “

And then there was hope, the judge pointed at me and said, “that is a valid request, yes, [defendant] will notify you . . . “

And then the ex lost his sh*t.  He began yelling that he didn’t agree to this, that I was restricting his parenting time, and that he now couldn’t take our son to, for example, his brother’s for an overnight.  This is when I lost my non verbal composure and began shaking my head and before I could interject the judge said, “yes you can, people want to know where their kids are, it’s reasonable . . . “.  The ex continued to argue and the judge finally shut him down.  Then the ex truly lost it yelling, “YOUR HONOR SHE IS CRAZY, I WILL NOT LIVE BY HER RESTRICTIONS, I CAN’T HAVE OUR SON NOW BECAUSE OF THESE REQUIREMENTS . . . ” He kept going with all sorts of nonsense and the judge kept interjecting that he can still have overnights away from his residence, he has no restrictions and that notification was only so I would know how to reach our son . . . then the judge ordered the ex to calm down.  The ex stood up and started walking out saying, “this is bullsh*t, I have rights and will not be controlled by HER!”  The judge then told the ex that he needed to learn to exercise control and the ex stormed out of the courtroom . . . holy crap!

Awkward . . . I quietly gathered my stuff up and left.

This trial is going to be nothing but ugly.  I sent an email to my former attorney.  While it will be expensive, I realize at this point that I need one for this.  I cannot handle this alone.  Somehow I will find the money (my bff estimates it will be between $10,000-15,000 at least).  FRAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is where I would end this post with a comment about I hope my attorney will be available on this trial date to represent me . . . etc., the whole fingers crossed thing . . .

Unfortunately today’s story doesn’t end here.  IT GOT WORSE . . .SO MUCH WORSE . . .

In a cruel twist of fate, this is the ex’s scheduled parenting time weekend.  Not only did I have to leave the hearing in my hometown shortly before 4:00 p.m., I had to speed up to the metro and somehow get my son to the pick up time by 5:30 p.m. to meet the ex.  Clearly this was impossible, and my mother the other week had offered to meet me with my son just south of the metro so I could get to the pick-up location.

After getting my son, I drove down and waited.  I had no idea after all that had happened if the ex was going to show up.  I sent him a text to let him know that we were at the location.  His response, “I need to talk to [son] and I need you to stay and not leave”.

This was clearly not good.  I texted the ex that we would wait for him.  Then I pulled up my voice recorder app on my cell phone.  Yeah I hit the record button as soon as I saw the ex pull into the parking lot.  Note: in my state, you can record conversations so long as one of the parties knows the conversation is being recorded.

I’m so glad I recorded this.  What happened next was one of the scariest, most horrible moments of my life.

As my son and I walked up to the ex, the ex started throwing items of our son out of his car at me and said, “take this, and this . . . I can no longer take [son] for this weekend . . .”  He then turned to our son who was clutching my hand at this point and crying and said, “I can’t see you anymore because your mom is preventing it, I planned to take you camping this weekend but your mom won’t allow this and I can’t see you anymore”. 

I started to say, “[ex] that is not true, you can take him camping, just let me know where you are going to be”.  The ex then yelled, “NO, I WILL NOT LIVE BY YOUR RESTRICTIONS, I HATE YOU, YOU ARE THE CRUELEST MEANEST PERSON I KNOW . . . GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

My son was sobbing at this point and then the ex suddenly grabbed him and pulled him into his car and locked the door. 

I called the police. 

Because we were off of a freeway state patrol needed to respond and the dispatcher told me it might be a while before they could respond.  I stayed on the line with the dispatcher and kept yelling at the ex to let our son out of the car.  The whole incident lasted maybe 10 – 12 minutes but it felt like forever.  The patrol hadn’t arrived but the dispatcher kept talking to me through the whole thing.  When the ex finally let our son out of the car, I tried again to tell him he could take our son camping and he said, “no, I will not take [son] again until you become a nicer person” and he got into his car and drove off.  I told the dispatcher who heard all of this that they could cancel the patrol car because I had my son back and just wanted to go home. 

 My son sobbed most of the way back during our 45 minute drive.  I have no idea what the ex told him. 

My son settled down after we got home and I got him to eat something finally around 8:00 p.m.  We had a quiet night and played a board game for a while and watched some cartoons.  It still took my son until 11:30 p.m. to fall asleep.  He crawled into my bed and clung to me for two hours before falling asleep.

Words cannot begin to describe what I feel right now.  I’m going on four hours of sleep over the past thirty-six hours, I have eaten a handful of pretzels in the same amount of time . . .

This trial in August is ridiculous, after everything that’s happened this kind of behavior cannot go on!  I will not watch my son continue to suffer.  The only problem is that this is a trial . . . whomever is the most persuasive will win.  And this judge doesn’t seem to look at any evidence . . .

That strength I questioned in my recent post about the hearing . . .yeah tonight brought that strength back tenfold . . .

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