Frustration and Heartache

So the saying goes, “if you don’t have anything nice to say . . . “

Oh hell, I’m going to post anyways!

I have kept my “mouth shut” on this blog for the past week and a half because . . . the past week and a half has sucked . . . big time.

In a nutshell, this is what has happened:

My re-retained atty and I have valiantly been trying to get a continuance for this August trial because of my atty’s scheduling conflict and both her and I have been constantly told, “that’s not how we do it in *&%$ county”; “the soonest you could get another trial date is November and the judge isn’t going to agree to that . . .”

Late last week, my atty was told that we needed to file a motion and schedule a hearing for a continuance request.  I spent all last weekend working on a motion and affidavit to submit to my atty (for cost-saving purposes). 

This also involved research because never in the years my atty has practiced has a court ever requested an actual hearing on this issue.  Normally, when counsel has a scheduling conflict, courts grant continuance.  I had all the statutes (ambiguous with broad court discretion) and could not find any actual cases on such issues (except for a few criminal cases with public defenders or where a family law issue pro se litigant never retained counsel even though they repeatedly requested continuance for that reason) . . . because again, almost no courts in my state refuse to grant continuance because one of the parties’ counsel has a conflict!!!!

After spending all of this time drafting a motion and affidavit for my atty to review (while neglecting my summer class homework); it ended up later this week that the court is willing to entertain a continuance grant.  WTF?!

The court had repeatedly told my atty and I over the past week and  a half that they would not grant a continuance and suddenly later this week they said “oh there’s no need to schedule a hearing or file a motion . . . we will get {ex} and you and your atty on the phone and we’ll figure out a date that works for everybody . . . “  Next week they are going to try and find a time to get all of us on the phone to figure out a trial date . . . “

The assistant to the judge presiding over our case practically sang in a cheery “Disneyesque” sort of way this whole message.  My atty and I are completely baffled over this whole change of heart scenario.

My atty and I have a number of theories and opinions on this turn of events but I won’t digress at this time . . .

To backtrack, prior to this message I finally released everything I have felt these past couple of weeks.  In one of my conversations with my atty earlier this week, I touched my cheek during the phone conversation because I felt something  and thinking it was an eyelash . . . I was shocked to discover my cheek was wet . . . I realized I had started to cry . . .

Never in the course of the past several weeks have I actually shed tears.  I have gone through a number of emotions but had yet to physically express any of them.  I was surprised in listening to the 911 call how calm I was during the incident because I was feeling so much more . . .

Have I become a robot?  These were thoughts and questions that raced through my head while talking to my atty and realizing that I was crying . . . as soon as I discovered the tears, I realized I was on the verge of a huge meltdown of historical proportions . . .

I suddenly couldn’t stop the floodgate that was happening even after getting done with the call with the atty.  I went into the bathroom by my cube and slapped cold water on my face . . .

I was able to suck it in and get through the rest of the work day.  As soon as I was done with work however . . . I skipped class that night and drove around for an hour just letting it all out, I had to pull over to have the mother of all crying jags . . .

I should be ashamed but I actually felt really good afterwards (to a certain extent).  Yes, I was exhausted and really puffy and red-eyed, but I felt emotionally cleansed.

But I still have tons of heartache and had another crying jag again last night.  This weekend is supposed to be my son’s weekend with his dad.  His dad told him point-blank in the incident following the hearing two weeks ago that he would not take our son this weekend because , “[kid that assaulted our son almost two years ago] would be there and [son] could not be there by court order . . . “

While the ex sent me an email late last week indicating he still intends to take our son for his month of the summer starting next week, he never indicated he planned to exercise this week’s parenting time . . . he never even acknowledged his cray-cray behavior two weeks ago.

So when he called my son’s cell phone last night (he never called mine) yelling at my son as to why we weren’t at the pick-up location, I took the phone from my son and asked the ex, “where are you?”

[Ex] “I’ve been waiting over a f*cking hour at ——-”

[Me] “You told us two weeks ago that you wouldn’t take [son] this weekend because you were going to an event that [-----] would be at and [son] couldn’t be there.”

[Ex] “You are such a liar, I never said any of that . . . you are so full of yourself . . . how would I know I would see [-----], I never said that because I have no idea I will see [-----] . . . you make so much sh*t up . . . “

I tried to interject that it wasn’t true and we could still figure out something for the weekend but he cut me off and hung-up on me.

The truth is he really did tell me he wasn’t going to take our son this weekend for the very reason I quoted.  I should know, I recorded that conversation (as previously posted) and I quoted the ex word for word in our dialogue above. 

I almost told him that I had it recorded, it took every ounce of my being in that moment to NOT tell him that . . . I held up.

To be perfectly honest, I will relish the moment of surprise when he hears his voice saying he wouldn’t take our son this weekend because of  . . . he again staged a situation that made it look like I was denying his parenting time but unlike these other times, I have physical proof . . . it’s no longer a “he said/she said”.

My ex has banked on the fact that the judge keeps siding with him.  He believes that he can just tell the judge that “I never said that”, “she said/did this . . . ” and that the judge will buy his story . . . truthfully, given everything that has occurred, I can’t fault my ex for that theory . . . .

During the whole, “no you can’t have continuance” portion of last week, my bff texted me, “this judge hates you” . . .

My response, “tell him to take a number b/c I’m pretty sure [ex] is first in the ‘I hate Jenny line’”.

My friend responded with how hard he laughed out loud on this.

I will acknowledge that my court situation is bizarre and so outrageous that it does border on comical, however after the call from the ex last night . . . I feel nothing but sadness.

While I will enjoy the “oh sh*t” moment my ex will experience when I impeach him and (hopefully) establish credibility . . . it does not change the fact that my son is the one who is losing on all of this.

He was beside himself immediately following “the incident” two weeks ago and while better the following day, he continues to struggle.

After taking the call from the ex last night . . . my son heard [ex] hang up and then said . . .

“Mom [ex] was lying, I remember him telling us he wouldn’t take me this weekend because of [-----] being there” . . . “mom, I don’t think dad was even at [drop off location] . . . he made the whole thing up I’m pretty sure to make you look bad . . . “

I won’t type what my son said next . . .

My son was so calm last night when he said these things . . .

I really believe that “the incident” from two weeks ago caused my son to lose his faith in his father.

This gives me no joy. 

My son turns nine in the next few weeks . . .

That is too young for a child to start getting hardened and cynical . . .

Actually, there is no “appropriate age” for a child to feel the way my son does right now . . .

I cry now because I feel like my son lost his childlike innocence over the past two weeks . . . and I have no idea what to do next . . .

 

Advertisement